The Life Behind the Mask: Smiling Depression
Depression in and of itself is exhausting. But, masking your depression takes it to a whole new level. Sometimes referred to as smiling depression, this type of depression consists of trying to present as completely put together when you are struggling with severe internal emotional pain.
The Cheerful Exterior
The internal struggle does not match the outer facade. Someone can appear happy and excel academically all while battling extreme worthlessness. Or maybe they have a successful career and active social life, meanwhile they are given to dark bouts of despair. They project happiness outwardly but inwardly are exhausted by keeping up the charade. They are often the person many would least expect to be suffering from depression.
Physical Symptoms
Along with the cheerful exterior, unexplained physical symptoms often mask the inner turmoil. People with smiling depression may have headaches, digestive issues, and unexplained back pain. It can also present as chronic fatigue. They may have learned that sympathy is given for physical issues, yet emotional issues are met with invalidation and disdain. The physical symptoms though uncomfortable and burdensome continue to mask the actual depressive mood.
Fear of Being a Burden
Again, many people who mask their depression have received early messages that they are too much. Their feelings are too big, they demand too much attention, and their caregivers may be struggling with their own mental health. In addition, the needs of the depressed individual are an inconvenience. They have learned to pretend to be the happy child (now adult) who is in need of nothing.
Internalized Pressure and Fear of Stigma
Cultural and societal conditioning may play a role in masking depression. Men may have been taught that it is not okay to show vulnerability. They may only feel comfortable showing anger or working harder instead of the sadness which is brewing underneath. Many cultures are dismissive about mental health issues. There can be a real fear that expressing just a bit of sadness or unhappiness would lead to judgment, rejection, or other consequences.
Also, some people have a more perfectionistic temperament. They are wired to be high achievers so anything else is perceived as failure. Their harsh inner critic may berate them constantly which adds to the intensity of the depression.
Burnout
Deep emotional exhaustion is always underneath the surface. Maintaining a calm exterior that shows pleasure can mask general malaise and anhedonia. Feelings of worthlessness and high self-criticism are lurking in the shadows. People in this predicament often ask themselves why everything is so difficult. They wonder what they are doing wrong and why they no longer have the energy to perform in the way which has been so normalized.
The Collapse
Eventually the mask starts to slip. Colleagues or friends may notice sudden irritability and may be surprised when there are cracks in the cheerful disposition. Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep may begin to present itself. In addition, there is generally a breakdown in daily tasks of self-care at this point. The burden of keeping up the happy exterior has become too great. But, this also leads to greater sense of low self-worth and anger at oneself.
You Don’t Have to Continue to Hide
When the mask is slipping and you are exhausted by the cheerful exterior, depression counseling can provide a safe space. Sometimes we all need a place to process our deep sadness, internalized anger, and general unhappiness. Understanding what is contributing to your smiling depression is often the first step toward reconnecting with your true authentic self. If you are struggling, therapy for depression with Rebecca A. Berg, MFT in Brea can provide the space to live life without a mask.