6 Ways to Lessen the Mental Load
The Mental Load moms carry is often invisible. The planning, organizing, and execution of the many tasks mothers are asked to do in our society can be overwhelming and exhausting. What’s a mom to do? You can’t get rid of your kids. If you work, quitting your job to attend to family life is often out of the question.
It can feel like you are running in circles and your gas tank is below empty. Families have varying levels of support, and you can’t outsource all of your familial obligations. Moms are often the glue that hold the family together. Here are 6 strategies to help you lessen the mental load you are carrying.
1. Write down all of the mental tasks from start to finish
Although initially this can feel daunting and like way too much work, the payoff is worth the time and energy spent. You don’t know what you are carrying unless you name it. And just like how journaling can help you sort out your feelings, making a list can be empowering. It can also give you compassion for yourself and the ability to see the things that actually are getting accomplished.
2. Weekly check in with your partner
I often advise my clients to have a weekly meeting with their partner to go over the schedule for the week. This helps keep you on the same page as a couple. But, also, if you have children, it sets the tone for the family. Hopefully, you have your written mental list to share and can divvy up the tasks for the upcoming week. It’s also a great way to check on the pulse of your relationship as a couple and the needs of the family.
3. Give away complete categories
If you have been handling all of the planning for the family, consider giving away complete categories to your partner. As moms, we tend to assign the execution to our partners. Run to the grocery store and pick up pasta for dinner and milk for breakfast tomorrow, as an example. Don’t be afraid to let your partner take over vacation planning from start to finish or the planning, implementation, and execution of your children’s sports teams or extracurricular activities.
4. Involve the kids
If your kids are old enough, you can also give away complete categories to them. A teen can be responsible for getting their younger siblings to school or be in charge of the weekly grocery run. Middle school kids can be responsible for cooking a meal one day of the week. Younger kids can fold laundry, empty the dishwasher, and even plan a fun family night out. Know that tasks may get done differently than you might have wanted, but the important thing is that they get done.
5. Beware of commitment sneak (which drains your energy)
We live in a demanding world. If you’re known for being efficient and enthusiastic, you are bound to be asked to take charge of things outside of work and your home. PTA, Team Rep, Booster Club President, Room Mom, Coach, Girl Scout Leader, Small Group Leader at church are just a few of the many other hats you are wearing. Take a hard look at all of your commitments along with a realistic gauge of your emotional and mental energy. Cut down on the things which drain you, and say no when asked to add more to your plate.
6. Take real breaks with no guilt (shut your brain down)
Finally, give yourself a break. Find the things that restore your energy and do them regularly. Whether that’s running, going to the gym, working on a puzzle in silence, reading, or bird watching, incorporate these things without guilt. Your brain needs to rest to function optimally. If you need help processing this, therapy can be a place to help you lessen the mom mental load.