Why Rest Feels Elusive in Motherhood
Rest is often the last place we land as mothers. However, it is often what we most need. I don’t mean a quick nap or mindlessly scrolling on our phones. What I’m referring to is deep rest which soothes our souls. Things which bring calm and centeredness to the frenetic pace of our lives.
Mothers carry the emotional weight of the household.
A huge part of mothering is learning how to stay calm and regulate our emotions not just our child’s (or our husband’s or partner’s for that matter). This contributes to an overtaxed nervous system and exhaustion. It takes inner strength, insight, and emotional awareness to understand what activates us and then learn how to not outwardly react. This is why we can feel so drained after what might be perceived as a simple conversation.
We are taught that rest needs to be earned.
What is currently on your to-do list? Have you figured out that it keeps growing and never ends? Do you feel like you always need to be 5 steps ahead of everyone else in your household? How many times have you said, “I’ll have that second cup of coffee and sit for a minute once I finish . . .” only to find that it never happens.
Household labor is relentless. You realize this if you’ve ever felt angry when someone spills on their clothes after you’ve just finished the final load of laundry. If you do get a chance to allow your body to rest, your brain may still be running and it may be near impossible to quiet your mind.
We are taught to be always on and available.
And it feels like there is a crisis if we are not. It’s so difficult to not let our self-esteem plummet when something slips through the cracks. But, the more children you have, the more work you do, and the more activities in which your family is involved, this is bound to happen. This keeps your nervous system locked in a state of hypervigilance.
It’s not lost on me that when I finally sat down to write this blog, I received a call to pick up one of my teens from school. Then, my marketing team informed me my ads weren’t working and I needed to create a new Ads account immediately. (Thanks, Google!) And in true fashion of Murphy’s Law, the power went out in my home office once I arrived home with my sick teen. Before I knew it, my entire family was home from school and I had lost my window.
Teach your nervous system that slow is safe.
Despite the guilt you may feel for resting, it is essential. Our quality of life depends on it. It may feel like the deck is stacked against you with broken sleep, hormonal shifts, and physical demands. Years and maybe even decades of rushing have made stillness unfamiliar and even a bit scary. We can change this, but it takes intentionality and practice. Stillness is good for our minds, bodies, and most of all our soul.
Find something you enjoy just for you.
Give yourself permission to find joy just for the sake of it. What is something you loved as a little girl or even a teen? What can you get lost in or might you be excited to learn? I joke that I’m an old soul at heart. My “grandma” hobbies include puzzles, bird watching, playing the piano, gardening, and coloring. But, these all provide relaxation, boost mental health, and have been proven to lower stress.
Professional help is available.
Therapy for mothers can provide this deep soul rest. Being witnessed in the presence of another is a powerful experience. Having moments of deep empathic listening can soothe the most anxious nervous system. Reach out today to a therapist who understands and can provide the rest you have been yearning for.